~sweet escape~

I am sorry for the words that have been said.. For the things that have been done.. For the thoughts that have been told. Maybe.. Just maybe.. I shouldn't do that. Kinda feel bad And owe an explanation But  Just let them be.

Al Fatihah buat papa. Semoga doa-doa kami sebagai anaknya, ilmu bermanfaat yang telah papa ajarkan serta amal jariyah selama papa hidup akan jadi amalan yang ga terputus dan pahalanya akan terus mengalir buat papa. Aamiin.

I am sick today. I ask Abel to call her dad. After calling, she also made a voice note to him. And she said: "Daddy, my mom is so sick that my mom has to eat two medicines in one day. So she wants you to go back home. Adya also sick, she always cough at night." 😢 How sweet she is. She knows that I just need her dad whenever I am sick. Thank you for being such a good girl for me, Abel. Tomorrow I will be okay. I just need some rest today.

"Are we still friend?" "The line 'I love you' ruined it." "But I do." "Tell me why?" " Why what?" "Why that ." "Oh." "I'm waiting." "Frankly, I don't know. I just know that your presence is the best thing that ever happen to me." "Hmmm..." "Hey, you're smiling. Aha." "Because it is lame." "Why can't you try?" "I won't." "Tell me why." "Because I can not afford another loss." "......" "Why can't we just be friend again?" "Because you don't see me as friend anymore. That is why." ##

In a world where so many people present, I feel so empty. Many people talk and laugh, chatting here and there, but still..empty inside. I am pushing my self so hard to be liked. I am also trying that much to be fitted in. Truth is, I just wanna lie down in my personal bubble. Doing nothing.

What about my second born? Kesayangan semua orang karna sedang lucu2nya. Si cerewet yang ada aja tingkahnya tiap hari. Kadang saking banyak ulahnya pengen skip TK dan SD aja, biar dia langsung masuk SMP. Walaupun dia ceria tiap hari, kadang aku sedih juga dia harus jauh2an sama papanya. Plus ditinggal atuknya juga. Kakaknya puas manja2an sama papa dan atuknya, kalau Adya ditinggal papanya sekolah dan ditinggal atuk nya juga.  Kalau papa masih hidup, pastilah si Adya jadi princess kesayangan atuk. Cause who doesn't love her? She is effortlessly cute. Like I said before, Maybe I need to slow down a little, to watch my babies grow up. Jangan gampang naik sasak. Jangan jadikan anak sasaran kalau kitanya lagi capek. Gampang diucapkan, sulit dilakukan. But I do try. Semoga ya. Cerita soal nama, we named her Sasikirana Adya. Anak yang cantik seperti bulan purnama. Apakah lahirnya pas bulan purnama? Tentu tidak, gaess.

Let me tell a story about my first born. Anak yang super duper dimanjain karna awalnya mau punya satu anak aja. Tapi setelah 3 tahunan berjalan, akhirnya memutuskan nambah adeknya lagi. Dan sampe sekarang adeknya umur 4 tahun lebih aku ga berniat punya anak lagi. Biarlah yang dua ini aja jadi teman berantem mamanya. Enough for me. Kaka Abel yg manja ini ternyata somehow bisa jadi andalan mamanya.  Kadang aku ga sabar ngadepin adeknya yg rewel, dia bisa tuh elus2 dada aku nyuruh sabar dan bilang: "udah ma..mama tenang aja, biar abel aja yg mujuk adek." Anak ku bahkan lebih dewasa dari aku. 😌 Tapi kalau lagi kumat ya gitulah. Sampe capek mujuknya ya dia tetap keras kepala. Seperti siapa? Seperti mamanya tentu aja. Kaka abel yg suka sekali bahasa inggris tapi love hate relationship sama matematika.  Why I write this post? I just found out she wrote something about her friend at school. She wrote: I love (her friend's name) so much. And I just realize that I am not ready yet

"Hey.." "Hai.." "......" "Really? You can't talk to me now?" "I can not see you the same way anymore." "Since when?" "Since yesterday." "......" "Why?" "Why what?" "Why you have to say that to me." "Say that I love you?" "Damn it." "Cause it is true. I love you." "Why are you ruining our friendship like this?" ##