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Corazón roto

Patah hati. Broken heart. Corazón roto. How exactly to deal with it? Dan patah hati itu banyak sekali bentuknya. Bahkan di umur 35 tahun ini, aku masih merasakan merananya patah hati. Nelangsa. Tapi sejujurnya patah hati karena apa juga bingung. Bisa karna keluarga, teman, atau bahkan patah hati sama keadaan. Aneh ya? Udah seumur ini masih belum bisa memfilter perasaan. Dan bagaimana menyiapkan anak2 gadisku supaya mereka ga patah hati? Karena aku ga mau mereka nelangsa. Apalagi nelangsanya gara2 cinta anak remaja. I just found out that my eldest already has someone she like. Gebetan masa SD. Sebagai ibu, aku yang ga siap. Baca chat2 nya yang penuh emot love love,aku yang panik. Baca kata2 love dan kangen2, aku makin panik. Ga siap dan ga tau bagaimana harus bersikap. Call me norak, but I am not ready. She is supposed to be my forever baby. Gimana kalau dia patah hati dan ga semangat lagi ngapa2in di kelas? Karna patah hati itu ga enak. Dan sejujurnya aku agak patah hati karna anak ga
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HBD

Selamat tanggal 27 Juli, bestie. Happy birthday to me. Semoga sepanjang umur selalu diberkahi Allah, dilimpahkan kebahagiaan dan kesehatan yang sebanyak2nya. You are great. You are beautiful. You are worth it. Do not let them say it otherwise. You make it to 35, and cheers to many years ahead. Yang paling penting, jangan gantungkan kebahagiaan di orang lain. Karena pada akhirnya, yang paling bisa kita andalkan ya diri sendiri. From Blogger iPhone client
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So sad today. I just wanna write here to remind me someday that I am that hurt. Maybe I am out of control, but it is just blow up cause I have keep it in my mind for so long. And truth is, I am tired. Maybe I am not that rich, I am not good enough as a daughter and sister, not a good wife and mother, but I do try. No need to demean me. No need to say bad things about me. Cause I have tried for so long to become a good person. And I just want to be accepted. But from now on, I learn my mistake. If I am not allowed to show what I feel inside, If I am not allowed to complain over things, If I am not allowed to cry, I will just shut my self down. Shut my mouth and keep it all inside. Cause at the end, I just have Allah. And my self to rely on.  From Blogger iPhone client
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Before the 26th June ends, let me write something here. For the person who never says no to my all requests, for the one who always puts our babies first, for the best hubby I could ever ask, and for our beloved guardian angel.. Happy birthday. Thank you for being the way you are. We may always argue on everything, but I don't wanna live in the world where you are not exist. Cause frankly, I can live without you. But, I never want to. May Allah bless you every single day. We do love you ❤️ 
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One action leads to another overthinking. One overthinking makes us bad mood. One bad mood ruins the plan. One ruined plan disturbs the day. At least for me. So I guess..  I need to stop. Whatever will be, will be. If nobody cares, let them.
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Sometimes you just have to face the reality. Reality to make you realize that everything you want can not come true. Sometimes you just have known your limit. There are boundaries you have to follow. There are rules that can not be broken. Sometimes you just have to remain silent. Not everything can be spoken. Maybe the idiom silence is gold was right. Sometimes you just have to face that not everybody will always around. You just have to stand by your own. Sometimes you just have to let go. There are moments that can not happen again. Let go that the time has gone. Sometimes you have to keep the feeling of missing someone. Keep it to yourself. Cause maybe, no one even care. Sometimes you just have to sit back and stay still. Enough is enough.
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Am I Okay?

Nobody ask about my feeling. Not even bother to kindly ask "how are you?" No one care. I may look okay outside, but I do feel miserable inside. Kinda sad and lonely. But they can not see it. Everybody is busy doing their thing. No one willingly to take a look at me, to make sure that I am okay. Cause sometimes,  I am not okay. Not only tired, I am already exhausted. Blame the period, I guess. For making me super sensitive like this. From now on, If no one ever ask me,  I should be the one who ask my self first: "are you okay?" *Self hug*
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